Fine dots of snow weaved through the sky. Beneath the boundless river, she is bobbing up and down the water. Struggling to struggle, trying to catch something, trying to breathe freely. However, only the cold water rushed into her lungs. It was like a thousand needles was piercing her; painful, so painful that it became numb...a mournful smile tugged at Lin Jin Rong's lips as she kept sinking.
This may be fate, but she didn't deserve to die. Neither did Li Zhi. If not for that ungrateful person who abandoned them, if it was not for the person who did not return, she would not have fallen to this point. In order to not suffer from the soldiers' insults, she threw herself into the middle of the river. She was sincere and did her best for them, yet in the end, she was the one that was abandoned?
A wave washed overhead, but she could only see darkness. Not being able to move her body, even her little fingers. Amidst the dark, she seems to be hear someone calling her name, but she already could not open her eyes, how could she see who it is? It's nothing more than an illusion, he has already cast her aside, what does it concern him about her life and death.
Lin Jin Rong awoke from a nightmare, her clothes and quilt soaked with cold sweat. She desperately grasped the slipping quilt, her mouth wide open as she gasped in air, hoping to guard from losing her breath. After a dozen or so number of deep breathes, she realized that she was lying atop the small lacquered carving bed in her mother's boudoir and that everything was, but a dream. She paused. Weakly laying down, she clutched her chest to count the rapidly beating thumps.
....heart hasn't stop, she reminded herself. She's alive. The Heavens must have pitied her. Once awaken, she had once again returned to her childhood home. Everything has not happened yet, she still has a chance.
"Young Miss, did you have a nightmare again?" The Wet Nurse, Gui Mama, very carefully placed the black porcelain oil lamp dish on top the table then hooked the azure rain-like curtains to the side. She came to check on how Lin Jin Rong was doing.
In the dimmed lighting, it can be seen that Lin Jin Rong's eyes were glassy, her face held confusion while looking at a loss. Forehead was damped with cold sweat. Her dark, matted hair was glued to her forehead, highlighting the fairness of her oval shaped face, making it seem paler than it was.
Gui Mama did not get an answer, but nevertheless, she knew it was a nightmare. She couldn't help, but sighed softly. She stretched out her hand to feel the familiar closet door, routinely retrieving a pair of fresh clothing. Then she called for the servant girl, Li Zhi. "Li Zhi, start a fire and boil some water for the Young Miss to wash herself. She is sweaty all over."
Li Zhi then left to boil water. Coming back, she filled a copper basin with hot water before helping Gui Mama changed Lin Jin Rong's sleepwear.
Lin Jin Rong obediently got off the bed, quietly letting them undress and wipe down her body. Feeling the warm heat from the towel gave her a refreshing feeling, helping her relax. Her body slowly stopped trembling while her heartbeat gradually calmed.
While wiping away the sweat, Gui Mama concernedly asked, "Young miss, what did you dream of? To give you such a fright; poor dear."
Lin Jin Rong licked her red lips and took a long moment before speaking, "Don't mention the dream tonight."
Li Zhi and Gui Mama exchange glances and saw the worried in each other's eyes. Li Zhi yielded to Lin Jin Rong while helping tie the belt over her clothes. Smiling, she asked, "Young Miss, why don't you let Gui Mama tell you a story?"
In fact, she was worried that Lin Jin Rong was too frightened and might have a nightmare again so it would be better to have Gui Mama accompanied her until she fell asleep. It's just the Lin Household has strict rules and Lin Jin Rong must maintained her reputation. At the early age of four years old, the wet nurse had to stop accompanying her to sleep thus she could only use this method to provide comfort.
Lin Jin Rong gazed at Li Zhi with a complex expression. Li Zhi was only two years older yet she was already so steady and calm. With pale skin and a straight nose, she looked clean and pretty. As far as she could remember, Li Zhi had accompany her as her maid and playmate. Later, everyone had left her. Only Li Zhi had stayed with her until the very end. If not for Li Zhi, she would not have had the chance to jump into the river.
Li Zhi felt bashful under the strong emotions emitted from Lin Jin Rong's eyes gazing at her. With a smile, she held her cheeks while lightly shaking her head, and asked Lin Jin Rong, "what is it that Fourth Young Miss is looking at? Could it be that you are still asleep and does not recognize this servant?" The young ladies of the Lin Household were ranked according to the birth order of each children within the clan. Hence, even though Lin Jin Rong was the second daughter of the Third House, she was called the Fourth Young Miss.
How could she not recognized her? She firmly remembers. Li Zhi, I will treat you well. In this lifetime, I will not let you suffer bitterness. Lin Jin Rong withdrew her gaze, a slight curve to her lips. She silently laid down side way, her hair scattered over the pillow and gently spoke, "tomorrow is Grandmother's birthday. Everyone will be busy. You go and sleep. Just leave me a light."
Gui Mama looked at Lin Jin Rong with worried and softly spoke, "Young Miss..." From a half month ago, after recovering from a high fever, Lin Jin Rong started having nightmares every night, crying and shouting. When the lamp was lighted, it was quiet. She thought the Young Miss was getting better so she had listened to the Third Madam and stopped burning the lamp during the night. Only, the nightmares had come back.
Lin Jin Rong tiredly closed her eyes. "I'm not a child, I'm older now."
Although only twelve years old, indeed not a child anymore. Gui Mama had no choice but to leave the lamp burning, closed the curtains and silently retreated with Li Zhi. Closing the door, she couldn't help, but lament, "how terrible it is, to see the Young Miss's spirit grow heavier. We have to report this to the Third Madam and find a way to help her." Speaking again, she felt like cursing. "Second Madam is also too much. She commit that kind of immoral deed yet does not even know how to covered it up and so threatened our Fourth Young Miss."
Lin Jin Rong's eyelids slightly moved.
Gui Mama was speaking of the Second House's not yet married Fourth Young Master, her cousin, who had enlarged the belly of a second rank servant of the Second Madam. The Second Madam had decided to settle the matter by forcing the servant to abort the fetus with a bowl of medicine. The affair was witnessed by Lin Jin Rong so they had threatened her into silence. In that period, she was absentminded for a whole month so the family physician was called upon again and again. But this time around, she was not afraid. This kind of matter, how does it compared to what she would go through later! She had faced robbers and bandits, had knew what it meant to be nothing but mere grass in the eyes of others!
Li Zhi only sighed. "It's also difficult for the Third Madam. The Third Master does not care much."
Lin Jin Rong's father, the Lin's Third Master, is like an immortal; indifferent to the boudoir affairs. Even when the Fourth Young Miss had met with mishap, he had only visited twice. The Third Madam, Tao Shi, was of strong character. She would not tolerate a single grain of sand in her eyes so does not understand how to yield and compromise. Husband and wife were at odds, many times not willing to speak more than ten words with each other. Even of this matter of their child, the couple have been in a deadlocked for half a month without speaking much.
Gui Mama sighed heavily, silent for a moment before excitedly whispering to Li Zhi, "Do you know? The Third Master's sister is coming back." Her tone took on a high note. "You say, it's been several years, don't know if the adopted young master has matured yet? The child was quite old when he came into the family."
"No matter how old, they are still a child. It's been six to seven years. As long as Third Master's sister has treated him well, people's heart are made of flesh, I'm afraid it's all the same." Li Zhi replied in a low voice.
Lin Jin Rong woodenly mumbled, "No, Lu Jian will never be familiar. He only has his biological father, mother and himself in his heart. No one else."
When she thought of Lu Jian, Lin Jin Rong's heart felt uncomfortable. Not wanting to think about that name and all that is associated with it, she removed such thoughts from her mind. Desperate for a distraction, she peer past the gauze curtains to the lighted fire burning atop the verdant clay saucer. Thinking back, she had used the copper oil lamp before. Later, her grandfather would dally about while her father did not stand out from the crowd. He did ranked in the imperial examinations, but he had never worked before. Only knowing to eat, drink, play, and sing of the moon and wind. There are many children in her generation, with marriage discussions settled here and there. But with little income, with the exception of the Old Master and Old Madam, they could only use the cheap clay oil lamp, not the copper oil lamp.
A soft sigh escaped, really a generation that is not better than the previous one. That is why when she had gotten the marriage proposal, her sisters and cousins had been green with envy. She also thought it was a fortunate fate...a beautiful marriage, hehe...how would she think that now? Scoffing, she shook her head back and forth. If she remember correctly, then Lu Jian would arrive tomorrow. It would be their first meeting from when they were children. Thinking of tomorrow, she felt a sudden bitterness from her heart while her lips ached from being gnawed at.
Although there were many things in her heart, she was still young and faintly sense the light fading away quickly. Further and further away, until she fell into sleep. This time, she slept soundly.
The sun had barely showed half its face and a slim figure had quietly opened the carved wooden door, carrying a pot of hot water. Near the window was a metal basin which she began to filled with the water. Then she approached the bed and lifted the gauze curtains before reaching for the silk blanket, removing it from the sleeping figure.
Lin Jin Rong was roused from sleep, surprised. Alert and squinting her eyes with an expression of annoyance at the pretty face filled with mischief above her, a flash of impatience and ridicule flashed across her eyes but the corner of her lips formed a beautiful arc. "Gui Yuan."
The girl, Gui Yuan, was the daughter of Gui Mama. Lin Jin Rong had grew up with Gui Mama's milk. From childhood, Gui Yuan was Lin Jin Rong's playmate and companion. In terms of intimacy, she was closer to Gui Yuan than Li Zhi. Therefore, Gui Yan's attitude toward Lin Jin Rong went beyond the usual sentiment of master and servant. Lin Jin Rong had also treated Gui Yuan like they were sisters that she had put much thoughts into Gui Yuan's future. But such a Gui Yuan was an ungrateful person in the end.
